


The Wonders, Joys, and Mysteries of Premenstrual Syndrome

by CloudSpires1295



Series: Shay 'verse: The B Sides [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Darth maul is a medical marvel, Gen, I literally just had fun with this one, I was watching clone wars when I started writing this, Sam and Dean are going thru it, Shay has PMS on steroids, Shay won't let her brothers be great, crack treated kind of seriously, don't take this shit seriously I sure as hell don't, explicit critique of the phantom menace, idk what else to tag, jar jar binks is a fucking menace, not to mention pms'ing my ass off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:27:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27144506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloudSpires1295/pseuds/CloudSpires1295
Summary: Shay has PMS. Sam and Dean are in over their heads. Crack and hilarity ensue. That's literally the fic.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester & Shailene "Shay" Winchester, Sam Winchester & Shailene "Shay" Winchester
Series: Shay 'verse: The B Sides [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1753021
Kudos: 3





	The Wonders, Joys, and Mysteries of Premenstrual Syndrome

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because I’m having my own premenstrual-related issues this week, so Shay gets to suffer the consequences. I scaled the symptoms up a bit for maximum humor, because mine only ever get half this bad once every blue moon, so don’t think this is what I’m going through at present. Think of it as crack. Enjoy the read.

“My boobs are sore and I hate everything,” Shay grumbled into her pillow, “fucking PMS.” She turned her head slightly to look at Sam, standing awkwardly in her doorway, and snapped, “ _what_?”

“Just wanted to let you know that Dean and I are gonna head out to do a salt and burn a few towns over and we’ll be back late.” Sam responded quickly, all too used to his sister’s PMS mood swings.

“Bring me back more than a pound of milk or dark chocolate and I won’t re-jigger the locks before you get back.” She warned, voice chilly.

“Four pounds sound good to you?”

“ _Wonderful_. Have a nice hunt.”

“Have a nice… _uh_ ,” Sam trailed off at the increasingly murderous look construing his sister’s features, “never mind.” He took several steps back, pulling the door shut behind him.

“ _Goodbye_ , Sam _._ ” Shay returned to hugging a hot water bottle to her stomach to combat her premenstrual cramps and tugged her thick afghan up over her head.

*S*S*S*S*S*

Dean entered the kitchen cautiously, so as not to set his hair-trigger sister off again. Shay sat at the table nursing a cup of black coffee and reading something on her iPad, ever the picture of innocence. He sauntered up to the fridge and pulled it open. There was a beat of silence and then, just when he thought he was safe, Shay spoke and made him jump nearly a foot in the air.

“We’re out of creamer.”

 _Shit_. _Shit, I knew I forgot something at the store yesterday_!

“I’m sorry Shay, I forgot.” Nervous sweat began to bead up at Dean’s temples, and he slowly turned to look over his shoulder at his sister. She didn’t appear to have moved, still in the same position she’d been in when he entered. Maybe he’d imagined it. Wouldn’t be the first time after _years_ of dealing with her moodswings…

“I even wrote it on your ridiculous white board grocery list thingy in _bold letters_ because _apparently_ you and Sam are too _manly_ to add cream to your coffee.” She continued in an eerily calm voice, the abruptness making Dean jump again, eyes still trained on the iPad, “and, lo and behold, you swaggered your bowlegged ass out of here to go to the grocery store yesterday with that damn list in hand and came back _without_ my _International_ _Delight Sweet Cream_ ™creamer.”

“You want me to go out and get you some?” he offered, more than eager to escape the incoming verbal bloodbath, “I’ll run out and get it right now.”

“No,” she responded succinctly, still scarily calm, “the last time you did that you came back with _Irish Cream_ … Irish _fucking_ Cream.” Shay put her iPad down and finally looked up at her twin brother, a tiny yet menacing smile on her face, “I’ll get it myself... just like I have to get _everything_ _else_ I need that you two inconsiderate shits don’t get because God knows you’d forget your dick and balls if they weren’t attached. Jackass.”

Shay stood from the kitchen table, iPad in one hand and coffee in the other, still smiling that murderous little smile, “enjoy your breakfast,” and swept out of the room, pale blue robe flapping in her wake. Sam, coming in from his morning run, had to plaster himself to the wall to avoid getting trampled.

*S*S*S*S*S*

“Uh, Shay?” Dean asked quietly, “you okay, Bug?”

“No,” Shay sniffled, reaching out for another tissue, “I’m not, can’t you tell?” her eyes were glued to the TV screen, watching the movie play out even as tears blurred her vision.

“Why are you crying?” Sam furrowed up his nose, “it’s just _Phantom Menace_ , this movie isn’t sad at all.”

“No, what’s sad is how god-awful it is,” Dean grumbled under his breath. Sam rolled his eyes towards the ceiling.

“The only thing that’s making me cry is how bad this movie is,” she responded, “but it’s like a car accident, I can’t stop watching.” She rolled her eyes in clear derision as Obi Wan leapt up from the shaft he was hanging in and proceeded to bifurcate Darth Maul.

“I don’t fucking understand how Maul managed to come back from that shit in _Clone Wars_ ,” she groused tearfully, “that shit made zero sense to me. I mean, I’m grateful they did so much more with his character on the show than they did during the prequels but I need answers. Who hooked him up to that creepy ass spider prosthetic and _why_?”

“It’s not even real, Shay, it doesn’t matter.”

“Oh it matters, alright, it matters to _me_ ,” she responded shrewdly, “and screw Lucas for giving us Jar Jar Binks, he’s just… _ugh_.” Shay gagged, “every time he pops up on screen with that ridiculously offensive accent of his, I lose five years of life and I’ve already _died_ once.”

Dean snickered under his breath and nodded for Sam to follow him out of the room, leaving Shay to her ranting. Most of the time it was difficult dealing with Shay when she was PMS’ing, but sometimes there were moments where it was absolutely hilarious… those moments were much more preferable than the alternative.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the read. I’m back working, just an fyi, so there will probably be some delay in new ficlets. I’ll keep trying my best to keep them coming though.  
> [*~*CloudSpires1295*~*](https://asphodel2310.tumblr.com/)


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